Thursday, September 23, 2010

#218 unofficial etsy featured seller - bipolarbettygoods

#218 unofficial etsy featured seller - bipolarbettygoods
Date joined etsy- 8/9/09
Sales to date - 823
-Give us some basic info about you: name, where you live, kids/pets, favorite ice cream flavor, etc.

My name is Betty and I am frantically, fatally in love with anyone who gives me any little bit of attention. Where I live does not matter as much as where you live; that is where I can be found at night, prowling around my customers bedroom windows. If I could, I would make myself teensy, the size of a troll or Pretty Pony, that you could carry around in your pocket and then put me in water and I’d grow life size right before your eyes! Like a sea monkey or piles of pill bottles! I have 30+ cats that I have trained to move along the house in one tightly knit mass. Therein, I am able to stand on their backs and ride them like one big fur wave throughout the house and beyond! (Sometimes I just lay on my side. It is a comfortable way to travel, I tell you!). I tend to subside on long gone sweet memories of love and Chicken in a Biscuit crackers during the day, but switch directly to the vodka that I had infused with your forehead sweat by three; that way, I have enough time to get tipsy before I go out to the bus stop and stand on my (real life!) soap box to give the fifth graders a lecture on My Hopes for the Future of Modern Romance, or How to Turn the Dining Room into a Cat Box when in a Pinch (depending on my mood that day.).

-Describe an average day in life of "you".

First thing in the morning, I let the cats motor me around so that I can touch every doorknob in the house (including the stinkers high up on the cabinets!). I do this not only to keep my day on track, but to protect the balance of the universe. If I think that I’ve missed a knob, then I go back and start over. I had to back track for twelve hours once. But what is time when you are securing the Earth in its axis? After that, I have a various amount of household tasks that I attend to. There are “projects” that I check on. I say things like, “Are those ropes too tight?” and “Those ceramic angel figurines are so unique! Charge ten of them to my credit card please!”

-Were you creative growing up/what did you enjoy doing?

I don’t know if you would call it creative, but I used to draw chalk outlines of myself all around our sidewalk and on my bedroom floor, just on the off chance that I was murdered and then my poor distraught parents would have plenty of placement options. In the fifth grade, I began constructing dolls out of straw and dog fur (naturally shed, of course!) that had prominent characteristics of the boys I had crushes on. Some even had authentic pieces of hair, fingernail clippings and a few teeth (I bet the tooth fairy was bummed!) embedded in the stitching.

-What made you want to start selling on etsy?

Some days, I think it was merely a subconscious trick to burn the tires of my anxiety and fishtail down the road of malcontent at warp speed like a pea green station wagon with duct tape holding the trunk down and no one at the wheel.

-How long did it take for you to get your first sale on etsy?

My first sale was to a friend, so I can’t count it with any clear conscience. I think the next 800 sales or so were to my mother disguised as various other customers.

-Top 5 favorite foods, tv shows, and bands?

I can’t seem to get enough of QVC lately, that and Infomercials! I see now that you can by loads of sitcom seasons on DVD; I sure wish they’d make a box set for the last ten years of infomercials! I’d buy it in a hot second! I like to eat the centers out of white bread so much that I wish they’d just package it without the crust. Do envelope adhesives count as food? I go through about a box a day, just licking and sealing, licking and sealing. Some might call bill paying a pain, but I call it Lunch!

-Is there anything you'd like to try your hand at doing? Knitting, baking, soap making, wood working, an instrument, etc.

I am interested in gravity, mostly. I like to trip on nothing at least twenty times a day on my way around town just to further my research on the matter. I have a theory that, if you test its patience enough, one day gravity (just like everyone else!) will eventually throw its hands up at you and you’ll just go floating up like you are preparing to install Kung Fu justice on the world.

-What would you suggest to new etsy sellers to promote their shops?

I’d advise those asking me (in hopes that they never will!) about promoting their shops that they should eat a lot of crackers (Chicken in a Biscuit!), pet a lot of cats, get a taste for pride and crow, weep compulsively and fall into a deep depression at least once an hour.

-3 etsy shops you just LOVE?

I guess you could call it love: I did, anyway. Due to the laundry list of complaints and subsequent restraining orders issued from these shops, I have to wonder: Doth ye Protest to Much?
1. (Dippy, you never called. Was it because I asked for my pie server back? You can keep it. Really.)
2. Photos of places that I will never go because of my courthouse issued ankle bracelet. (OH Cynthia, you know it’s the gifts that keep on giving that mean the world to me.)
3. (Tara, I was serious when I said I’d pay top dollar for some hair from your brush and a tiny vile of your perspiration. I have a doll that I am making….Well, never mind. Just name your price!)

-One year from now...

I’ll probably be pushing a shopping cart full of cats and ceramic figurines around the city, searching in vain for that address you gave me that never really existed.

Have an etsy shop with over 300 sales and want to be a featured seller? Contact me at
As always, thanks for reading :)